Monday, April 2, 2018

When I Don't Know

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."

~Isaiah 55:8-9

I often dream at night.  Many nights I don't remember much except that it was weird and strange.  That's the normal for me.

Tonight, I dreamed about a competition.  My best guess was that it was a bicycle competition of some kind.  It involved many people and snow.  Our last obstacle was a ramp that curved up from the ground and you had to ride your bicycle up to the top of it in order to win.  (Think American Ninja Warrior ramp.) This ramp was covered in snow making it even more impossible to ascend.

When everything was over, several of the top competitors and me wanted to change the rule about this snow. We noticed at the top of the ramp, leaders were meeting and making decisions on the rule or something else.  Whispers continued to happen; but we could not figure out what they were saying.  Over and over and over we tried to understand, but never made out what the conversation was really about or what was the final decision.

I woke up pondering this dream.  I wondered what did it really mean.  Then it hit me...God.  I have been on a bit of a journey.  One with extremely rough seas, but for good reason.  One that now has some calmer seas.  And one that is far from over, even now.  I have often asked God, why? or what now?; but He doesn't really give me any direct answers.  Only that I don't need to know.

That's a hard pill to swallow...not knowing.  I am not typically a planner, but I do like to have an idea of what's ahead, even if it is just a big picture kind of idea.  Not this time.  God is teaching.  He is teaching me total, absolute, 100% dependence upon Him and Him alone.  Anytime I try to move outside of that, He brings me to a place where I simply do not know.  And all the while, He says...MY ways are not your ways; MY thoughts are not your thoughts.  Son, I have a plan.  It is perfect.  Just trust ME...alone.  No one else, not even yourself.  My grace and love are sufficient and perfect for you.

I am willing to submit to Him, even if I cannot know what is ahead.  In the end, I have faith that it will work.

Dean

Saturday, March 24, 2018

The One that is Close

"The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
   He rescues them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

~Psalms 34:17-18

I have had a very long week.  Seven days.  God has taken from a prideful, dirty, bad place of a man who was too stubborn to listen to a place of brokenness, then healing, forgiveness, and restoration.  There has been some highs and extreme lows.  Nonetheless, He has been close the entire journey.

I'm not done.  God's not done.  As I am this side of heaven, I'm still unfinished.  I have learned that if I call out, he hears me.  He DOES rescue me from ALL my troubles. My spirit has been crushed.  Still, I feel His love.  I feel His saints' prayers.

I don't know what my future will be, but I do know He will be in it.  I know that even when I don't feel Him; when the emotion isn't there, He is.  Still working.  Still moving.  I know He loves to surprise me and make me happy.  I know I will never be alone.

I love these verses.  I love that He knows my heart is broke and I'm crushed, yet He still rescues me.  Such love.  Such grace.  Amazing Papa God.

Dean

Thursday, March 22, 2018

It's No Secret

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." ~Matthew 6:33

At the beginning of this year, I found this verse, again.  It has become my verse for the year.  To seek God's kingdom and His righteousness before all else...that is my heart's cry.

You see, it's no secret to how to make life good, even great.  God lays it all out.  Clearly.  Go after Him, with everything you have, all of you.  Hold no place and no thing back.  Every nook and cranny of your life.  Even the dark, bad places...give it to Him.  Chase after Him. Then, and only then, everything else will come.

I have spent over 48 years doing it all wrong.  I thought, I got this.  Do a few rules, attend some church...I'm good.  Hey, even rely on people to help from time to time.  I was wrong, so very wrong.  There is only One who can help with life.  Only One who guides with a love that defies understanding.  Until I submitted to Him, to Papa God, nothing made sense.  Nothing else worked!

Now, you may ask, submit?  Really?  I'm my own person you say.  Here's the rub, whether you realize it or not, you are submitting to an authority in your life.  If it isn't God, well, it's the devil.  Plain and simple.  The devil...is a liar.  A really big liar.  It's the wrong authority to submit to, as I can testify to personally.

So how exactly do I submit to God???  Well, again, it's no secret.  For me, I had to make the time to spend with Him.  And I mean time.  Real, quality, long time.  Time that isn't rushed.  See, you can spend time with your spouse, your kids, yourself, your hobbies, your phone, your tv, your internet; but you won't spend time with your God.  All the while, wondering, why is life so hard.  It's a relationship and any good relationship needs time together.  Good time together.  For me, that means every night, for a least an hour.  I don't just go through motions anymore.  This is where I talk, I read, I listen with Papa God.

Get before a God who loves you.  Get on your knees in prayer.  Dig deep into His word.  Spend the time.  I promise, it will pay off, especially when life's storms hit hard.  And as far as everything else goes???  It will be added to you.

Dean

New

"For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
~Isaiah 43:19

God likes to make things new.  He loves taking what was once wrong and making it right again.  This is the Gospel.  This is the Bible.

The hardest part for me is letting the old go, of releasing it.  Perhaps some of it is fear.  Fear that I won't know what to do when I have the new.  Fear that somehow people won't like me as this new person.  Other times, it's the control.  With my old, I had, (or so I thought), control over my life.  I was comfortable.  When new comes, often, at first, things are out of control.  Reality has shifted and now what do I do.

He HAS begun something new in me.  In my family.  Something new with my wife and something new with my children.  Is it bad?  Absolutely not.  In fact, it is the BEST thing that has ever happened to all of us...even if some don't see it yet.  Is it uncomfortable? Yes.  Is it new territory that we don't exactly know how to navigate yet? Yes.

Here's the great news!  We aren't alone.  God has designed and carved out those rivers in the dry wasteland.  HE is there.  HE is here.  In the thick of it, helping us.  And, it IS, it WILL be awesome!!!

I hope wherever you are at in life that you can see that the new thing He is doing is part of His plan and there is nothing to fear.  He's got you!

Dean


Wednesday, March 21, 2018

I Thank

"To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” 

~Isaiah 61:3

This is what God has spoken to me today.  He is giving beauty out of the ashes of my burnt and broken places.  He is given me joy instead of mourning.  He has given me much to praise him over the heaviness of my past.


Being humble before a God that knows you is tough.  Tough, but so very worth the time to push through it.  I know, without doubt, He loves me.  I know, without doubt, He restores everything broken.  I know, without doubt, He heals all wounds.  Praise to God for His mercy and grace!


I thank Him for the process.  I thank Him for the pull.  I thank Him for never, ever, ever, EVER giving up on this humble man.


God, Papa God, is so very good.  


Dean


Tuesday, March 20, 2018

I Cannot Understand It

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. ~Romans 5:8

I cannot wrapped my head around the love God has for me.  That through time and beyond what I can understand, He sent His Son to die for me.  Knowing full well the horrible things I would do and think.  Yet, He choose to do it.  I don't get it.


I spent most of yesterday pondering why does God love me.  Why does He not give up on me?  I can't answer my own questions.  It's too much for me.  He has humbled me in such a way that all of me, myself, has been shattered.  He still is with me.  He hasn't left.  He hasn't gave up.  He still loves.  Why?


The real struggle?  He knows my future.  He knows exactly how, when, what...I will do or not do.  When I will fail again.  Yet, He STILL loves me.  How can this be?  He is a God who loves with a love that no one can comprehend.  He gives grace and mercy and blessings to me when I SO don't deserve it.


All I can do is thank Him.  Thank Him for being generous and loving.  Ask that He never stops.  I will never understand, at least fully why, but I accept it.


Dean

Monday, March 19, 2018

Broken Spirit

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. ~Psalm 51:17


God is dealing with me.  This shouldn't be a surprise to me.  I asked Him to help me.  I just didn't want to pick up the phone and listen when He called.

I struggle.  I struggle as a man, a real man.  I allowed things into my life that have no business there.  Some have resided for well over three decades.  Others are much more recent.  I am no longer allowing residence in my life to these destructive things.  Today...with God's grace, is eviction day.


What I have allowed into my mind changed my behavior.  It changed the way I perceived reality.  It affect me.  It affect those around me.  Those things allowed my past to keep me broken.  Keep me shackled.  Keep me in pain.


God does not want that from me.  He wants my broken places and my hurt from my past healed and redeemed; for good, forever.


I make no conclusions that this is going to be easy or quick; although I do believe God can work very quickly.  I know I MUST allow Him to cleanse me.  I must let Him work, in His time.  I submit to God and all He has for me.


I ask as you read, pray.  Pray that His voice never leaves my heart and my mind.

I am learning you can't do this alone.  This thing called life.  You HAVE to ask for help.  We were never put here to walk the tough roads alone.  I also am learning that you can't keep things hidden.  That God wants the dirty and dark brought to the Light.  That's the only way healing happens.  You have to have those around you to hold you accountable; other men who will ask you the hard questions.  They are sent from God.  

Ultimately, I have learned this: God DOES listen, every..single..time.  Keep crying out.  Keep praying.  He hears and IS working.  And that I'm loved.


Dean